Category Archives: Random

A Relative After My Own Heart

My heritage is drastically split into distinct sections…Cavedad’s “idyllic worker” German side and Cavemom’s swishy/virtually unremarkable French-Canadian side.

  • Since I’ve never met the entirety of my Father’s side of the family I can only go on his example that the German Cavemen are very tough, nose to the grindstone people which obviously does not reflect my free spirit.
  • The Franco-Canadian Cavemen, to whom I’ve spent my entire life with, are completely (for lack of a better word) normal, which is out of standard with the idiosyncrasies of the Vintage Caveman.

I’m just a round peg with nothing but square hole when it comes to my family….Or so I thought until about a year ago when Cavemom told me the story of my Grandmother’s Uncle.

>My Great-Uncle (lets call him Barney) was the truly the black sheep of the Franc-Canucks Cavemen. He rejected the path the rest of his his family (which at the time was working in textile mills) and forged his own. Unfortunately, “Barney” got himself wrap into some illegal actives (Cavemom won’t tell me) and was sent to the brand-new, “unescapable” county jail the next city over.

“Barney” had no major issues with the whole “being sent jail” thing…it was the “unescapable” part that pissed him off. See, “Barney” had a very rebellious streak (which probably got him into jail in the first place), and no one could tell him he couldn’t do something..

Roughly a month after entry he escapes, and makes it into the Maine history books. Shortly after his unauthorized exit, he was discovered sitting on a park bench waiting to be picked up. A month later he escapes again, just to further “drive in his point”.<

It’s that rebellious, “fuck you” attitude that makes me feel like I wasn’t kidnapped by Gypsies and sold to my current family.


I(‘m not) ain’t dead yet*

Those in the know have some idea of my Internet problems, and it’s…problematic.

Fortunately, sometime within the next couple days I am switching back to a cable DSL. Unfortunately, I can’t post anything of any substance until my internets get better…

Just letting you know that I’m still alive, and plan on being so for a good long while.


Your votes helped me in to the finals of Antisocial Networking’s Nerd Crush contest and I need your help once again. The final round of voting ends Thursday at 12 PST.


*The title is actually a double reference: “I ain’t dead yet, Motherfucker!” is the title of a documentary about Richard Pryor, and “I’m not dead yet” is a famous quote from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Birthday Ketchup

June 17th- Lucio Fulci is one of a number of film idols of mine, and holds the esteem of being the director of one of the most horrifying, frighting, and gory movies I’ve ever seen: Zombi 2.

June 18th- Will Betheboy is a friend-of-blog, and the author of my favorite story ever: A Merry Little Person Christmas.

June 19th- Friends-of-blog The CDP and Mrs. CDP got married 4 years ago today. I know it isn’t technically a birthday, but I write this blog and you don’t…

Happy Birthday/Anniversary everyone!


A couple of weeks ago I was watching the History Channel and interesting commercial popped up:

This caught me off guard because the “Cavemen” television show never had timing, or dull wit to make me laugh like I did when I first saw this commercial. Of course I’ve only seen the show once (I thought the irony was too painful), but from what I seen it was destine to be a failure.

Dry acting, bad writing, and an overall strange/undeserved air of superiority drove away what limited audience a TV show about cavemen would have. If they focused on better writing than just hoping that the plot would just imply funny, and shifted their direction towards a more sitcom style they could’ve done a lot better.

Heck, I could do better… Which is why I wrote the following e-mail.

Dear ABC,

Upon witnessing the Gieco/History Channel joint commercial I realized that you severely mishandled the television series known as “Cavemen”. The plot behind the show was incredibly shaky to begin with, and then you started to crap all over it.

Right now I’m offering you a one time deal: Give me complete creative control and 6 episode re-commitment, and I will at least double whatever investment you lay on the table.

If you are worried about my age or general experience, remember this, no one else offered… You don’t even have pay me conventually: All I require is an assistant for me, an assistant for my writing partner Ophelia, a Station wagon filled half way with gummy worms , 13 boxes of Ritz crackers, a Macbook, and all meals/general expenses/Internet purchases paid for.

I am waiting for your reply.

(and remember: No one else offered)

Your friend,

Vintage Caveman

…In Which Our Hero Gets A Little Heavy

Here’s a story from the two weeks I spent studying Buddhism (Long story. Indeed a blog post for another time.):

A man walking across a field spots a man-eating tiger. Fearing for his life, he runs. The tiger not being able to pass up a meal chases after him. Tiger chases him to edge of cliff, and the man falls off.
Halfway down, he grabs onto a plant. The tiger sniffed at him from above. Terrified, the man looked down to where, far below, another tiger had come, waiting to eat him.
Meanwhile two rodents in the commotion noticed the uneaten plant sticking out of the side of cliff and they begin to chow down.  The man was certain he was going to die.
Suddenly out of the corner of his eye the man notices a luscious wild strawberry growing on the same plant that was keeping him alive for the time being. He plucks it and eats it.
That strawberry was the single greatest he has ever had.

The general meaning of the story is that no matter what is going on in your life, you should savor ever little moment. I can’t recommend this enough…

(The sub context is that my a grandfather is sick…and I it frightens me sometimes.  Being the sucky person I am means when something bad happens I completely shut down, and stories like the above reminds me to do stuff like normal people should.

Sorry I bummed you out.)

Why I’m a nerd, Redux

About a year and two months ago I had nothing really good to post but wanted something substantial up so I threw together a list of people I’d like to meet. The list was really a last minute thing that didn’t reflect my thoughts exactly, but long story short it attracted the attention of a beautiful LA Blogger and one hundred plus blog visits.

Since that faithful post I’ve been meaning to take the time to sit down and think “really who would I like to meet?”*. I started “Why I’m a nerd, Redux” about two weeks ago and I proud to say that I think I’m finished**.

People I’d Love To Meet (with basic explanations!):

  1. Slack & Betheboy : Natch. If you don’t know why then you have to stop reading this…now!
  2. Guillermo del Toro: One of my newest favorite directors. He has a great style, and an ability to recognize talent like no one else.
  3. Christopher Walken: A large part of my childhood.
  4. Ricky Gervais: For the original The Office. One of the funniest British people.
  5. Ringo Starr: Good drummer, great Beatle.
  6. Dan Akroyd: The lead in my favorite movie, distinctive characters, was in the good Saturday Night Live.
  7. George A. Romero: For bring us the modern day zombie. Must be full of good stories.
  8. Marcia Wallace: For her work in Match Game, The Bob Newhart Show, and the Simpsons. I hear she is genuinely funny.
  9. Lorne Michaels: In the 70’s he was a young producer with a dream who created a fantastic show.
  10. Patrick Warburton: A generally great actor from Seinfeld to the Venture Brothers.
  11. You: I like you guys. Sometimes when I’m feeling low I like to see what you’re doing and it almost always cheers me up. I’d go visit each and everyone of you if you’d have me.(/creepy)

The 5th incarnation of the list

Tomorrow: Geek: The Origins

Sunday: Bob Dylan Concert: Post Mortem

*I don’t believe everyone is the best in their field, just very interesting people who inspire me.

**When this list was constructed everyone was alive (or at least since I last checked), and if someone dies between the time I post this and when you read this I claim no responsibility.

The less of them you see, the better.

I feel I’m correct in the assumption that most people generally think that their co-workers are normal respectable people…until you get a chance to really talk.

A few nights ago I was closing with a co-worker and the topic of national tragedies comes up. Our general conversation goes from Pearl Harbor to the Kennedy assassination to the Oklahoma city bombing, and it eventually lands on 9/11. It was a great discussion until my co-worker got all “loose change” on me.

He looks at me straight in the eye and let loose a stream of nutty conspiracy theories, and I was left there to smile and a nod my head. I really don’t think I could honestly look at this guy in the same light anymore. I mean, I believe in all sorts of crazy things (i.e. aliens, ghosts, etc..),  it is just when someone can genuinely state ill-researched facts, and complete untruths as reality is when I back away from the “relationship” s.l.o.w.l.y. 

The underlying lesson here is: “Never talk to co-workers. They will only disappoint you.”