3 Company

Me and the roommate (we’ll call him: ‘Chill’) couldn’t be more polar opposites. He’s a little bit hip hop and I’m a little bit rock n’ roll. It’s almost like ships passing in the night only if both of those ships hated living with each other. Surprisingly we find some way to live in some sort of irritating pseudo-peace.

Unfortunately, that peace is routinely shattered every time Chill entertains a new lady friend. Whenever some cute co-ed (and sometimes her friends) stops by to ‘hang’ there is a lot of shouting and drunkenness late in to the night and I’m just sitting in the corner waiting to go to bed.

Things finally took a turn for the worst between me and Chill late Thursday night when I came back from a late night pizza hang-out with some classmates. I walk into my room and instantly discover him quietly chatting it up with a girl from his anatomy class. I wasn’t planing to go to bed for an hour and they were being quiet so I thought: “what’s the harm”…and then there was a knock on the door.

That knock on the door led to a torrent of no less than 10 people flooding into my room and effectively ruining my night. Because I’m a socially inept nerd I don’t do anything about the loud, drunken party developing in my room without my consent except for the occasional “get off my bed!”. Although after everyone left I did write and angry note (18 point, Helvetica) and posted on the door (because I am a socially inept nerd).

This is that note:


I’m a very reasonable person but tonight was too much. I get in and I’m ready for bed but I can’t because some wild party has sprung up in our room. It’s fine if you want to have people over during the day but anytime after 10pm is insane. I can understand some circumstances but my privacy is important to me and in the evening time I like to relax and unwind from the long day (which I can’t do if you and your lady friends are screaming all the time). If I can’t relax from time to time, my court-appointed psychiatrist say that I’m a prime candidate for a second agitation-induced nervous breakdown.

You’re a smart, sensible person and I hope you can see my point of view, and give this one to me.

Your roomie,


Some may think I went too far. I think I didn’t GO FAR ENOUGH.

(I hope he knows I was kidding about that last part. He is not smart or sensible…)


5 responses to “3 Company

  1. Find out who the res hall director for your school is, and tell them you need a different roommate. If they aren’t willing to work with you, go to the school’s mental health center, explain the situation to one of the counselors, and have THEM tell the res hall director you need a different roommate. If you’re very lucky, you might even get your own room.

  2. Any reaction yet?

  3. The son of a friend of my parents had a college roommate similar to yours.

    What made it even funnier was that said roommate also stole food AND soap. (Do you think he’d catch on if you stole some of his shaving cream?)

  4. i wonder if you scared the shit out of him? that’s a good method if it works and no one gets hurt 🙂

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